I have a ton of empathy for abuse victims.
Having something shitty done to you, doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to be shitty.
Cheating is not okay, even if your spouse is abusive. Leaving an abusive spouse is a valid reaction. Cheating is not.
And from a legal perspective, the second we open up the can of worms of ‘This person is shitty there for it’s okay to be shitty to them’ you create a slippery slope that could easily be used by shitty people against good people.
But you did. Not in so many words, but you said it.
I made the simple point that cheating is not okay, that there should be consequences for cheating. You brought up abuse victims. I said abuse victims should leave their abuser rather than cheating on them. And you said I have no sympathy for them.
The logical conclusion from your statement, is that you think abuse victims cheating on their abuser is okay. And that me saying they should leave their abuser rather than cheating on them is without empathy.
If I’m understanding the situation wrong, can you clarify your position a little? Are you or are you not trying to say that it is somehow okay for abuse victims to cheat on their abuser? And if you think that is okay, why?
I said here that being abused doesn’t make it okay to cheat and doesn’t justify cheating (even on your abuser). I said if you’re being abused you should leave your abuser rather than cheat on them.
You said I have no empathy for abuse victims. The obvious conclusion from that is that you believe it IS okay for an abuse victim to cheat, and I’m wrong to hold abuse victims to the same standard as other partners who aren’t abused.
If I’m wrong, if I’ve misinterpreted your words, please explain your position in more detail.
Your reasoning is apparently based on 2 premises: 1. Cheating is the absolute worst thing a human being can do. Abuse is just another Wednesday.
2. Everything is either black or white. There are no grey areas.
Like most people I tend to give abuse victims a lot of slack. Cheating is bad but in the case of an abuse victim I frankly don’t give a fuck. I’m gonna repeat that: Cheating is bad. In case of abuse however I don’t care.
I’m not sure if your singular focus on creating comes from being cheated on or from having an unusually high tolerance towards abusers.
If it’s the former I’m sorry that happened to you. However you need to stop defending abusers.
I have zero tolerance for abuse, especially in a relationship. If you’re an abuser go get fucked with a cactus. Get therapy or heal before you take your shit out on someone else.
I don’t think being abused gives that person a free pass to be shitty themself. That doesn’t just apply to cheating. For example, if you have a partner who’s verbally abusive, and you start verbally abusing them (NOT just self-defense, but instigating yourself) then you’re wrong too. Perhaps less wrong, but still wrong.
To be clear- self-defense is always acceptable. Words with words, force with force. Nobody is EVER required to be a victim. I feel very strongly about that.
‘I’m gonna stay in my shitty abusive relationship I’ll just cheat on them’ is not a good POV IMHO.
‘I’m gonna stay in my shitty abusive relationship I’ll just cheat on them’ is not a good POV IMHO.
That’s literally the worst interpretation of the situation.
A bit similar to you I can’t understand people staying in an abusive relationship - as in I can’t imaging this happening to me. Quite similar as I can’t understand how people can have anorexia. Yet it is indisputable that both exist and people are suffering from them. If you don’t have any cases within your family or acquaintances just look it up there are loads of sources both from psych help sites and just novels.
I find your lack of empathy for abuse victims quite concerning TBH.
I have a ton of empathy for abuse victims.
Having something shitty done to you, doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to be shitty.
Cheating is not okay, even if your spouse is abusive. Leaving an abusive spouse is a valid reaction. Cheating is not.
And from a legal perspective, the second we open up the can of worms of ‘This person is shitty there for it’s okay to be shitty to them’ you create a slippery slope that could easily be used by shitty people against good people.
It’s pretty obvious that you don’t.
I did not say that.
I did not say that.
So, according to you malignant narcissists are good people? Okay
But you did. Not in so many words, but you said it.
I made the simple point that cheating is not okay, that there should be consequences for cheating. You brought up abuse victims. I said abuse victims should leave their abuser rather than cheating on them. And you said I have no sympathy for them.
The logical conclusion from your statement, is that you think abuse victims cheating on their abuser is okay. And that me saying they should leave their abuser rather than cheating on them is without empathy.
If I’m understanding the situation wrong, can you clarify your position a little? Are you or are you not trying to say that it is somehow okay for abuse victims to cheat on their abuser? And if you think that is okay, why?
Where?
In your first reply.
I said here that being abused doesn’t make it okay to cheat and doesn’t justify cheating (even on your abuser). I said if you’re being abused you should leave your abuser rather than cheat on them.
You said I have no empathy for abuse victims. The obvious conclusion from that is that you believe it IS okay for an abuse victim to cheat, and I’m wrong to hold abuse victims to the same standard as other partners who aren’t abused.
If I’m wrong, if I’ve misinterpreted your words, please explain your position in more detail.
Your reasoning is apparently based on 2 premises: 1. Cheating is the absolute worst thing a human being can do. Abuse is just another Wednesday. 2. Everything is either black or white. There are no grey areas.
Like most people I tend to give abuse victims a lot of slack. Cheating is bad but in the case of an abuse victim I frankly don’t give a fuck. I’m gonna repeat that: Cheating is bad. In case of abuse however I don’t care.
I’m not sure if your singular focus on creating comes from being cheated on or from having an unusually high tolerance towards abusers.
If it’s the former I’m sorry that happened to you. However you need to stop defending abusers.
If it’s the latter: get bent.
I have zero tolerance for abuse, especially in a relationship. If you’re an abuser go get fucked with a cactus. Get therapy or heal before you take your shit out on someone else.
I don’t think being abused gives that person a free pass to be shitty themself. That doesn’t just apply to cheating. For example, if you have a partner who’s verbally abusive, and you start verbally abusing them (NOT just self-defense, but instigating yourself) then you’re wrong too. Perhaps less wrong, but still wrong.
To be clear- self-defense is always acceptable. Words with words, force with force. Nobody is EVER required to be a victim. I feel very strongly about that.
‘I’m gonna stay in my shitty abusive relationship I’ll just cheat on them’ is not a good POV IMHO.
That’s literally the worst interpretation of the situation.
A bit similar to you I can’t understand people staying in an abusive relationship - as in I can’t imaging this happening to me. Quite similar as I can’t understand how people can have anorexia. Yet it is indisputable that both exist and people are suffering from them. If you don’t have any cases within your family or acquaintances just look it up there are loads of sources both from psych help sites and just novels.