For the past 30 or so years I can truly write that only my wife hits those three marks. And she’s there doing it everyday. I adore her.
Yesterday.
And i make it a point to make sure i make everyone i meet feel heard and seen. So, i might wave at people collecting garbage, i make eye contact with the cassier en give them a warm smile, while wishing them a nice day. I might smile at random strangers in the street. I have had beautiful experiences doing this, and quite frequently people give me this startled look and then hesitantly smile back. And i do this sincerely, because i truly belief most people have a hard time already and i want to give them at least a nice moment in the day.
It makes life so much better. For people i meet and for myself as well.
Honestly, this can be very much be done and people crave it. People crave being noticed and affirmed and getting to engage with others on more than just a superficial level (as long as you respect their boundaries and recover if you faux pas at some point). People can be very gracious/graceful when someone reaches out to them in this way and will often "play-along" because I've noticed basically everyone refuses to be the first one to step out of their comfort zone and take a chance pal-ing around with a stranger but I can find a way to make most people comfortable and maybe even get a chuckle or 10.
Its been very good news for me and the good news for you is you can too, if only you do this ONE weird trick strangers love
I might smile at random strangers in the street.
yeah that would make me nervous
As long as its super toothy, its cool. Its cool to have teeth and the more, the merrier 😬
Usually, the nervous people won't make eye contact. And it's not really an 'in your face' contact i make, i try to be a bit subtle about it, if that makes sense. I never had anyone react as if it was unpleasant. For the record, it's not like i am this extravert person, i am very introverted and i had to learn this. But it was worth it.
Based
Sounds like we have the same wife! High five
Mine’s taller. But if not, she’s truly wonderful. Enjoy her.
I could say the same if I had a wife
One could say…I would also choose that guy's wife.
In my sixth psych ward visit i finally felt heard by therapists for the first time. I always had symptoms that overlapped with ADHD and pretty much everyone dismissed my problems as not relevant before that.
You can't not finish that story…🥺
update: i finally got my diagnosis today. getting medicated now, lets see how they affect me
Nice! Do you feel comfortable sharing any more context or anything you wanna talk about? You can DM me or here or whatever
Edit: also, please, have yourself a good cry! And be gentle with you. You've come a long way, baby 😎😭
Edit: super picky small thing here but just give care to the way the language comes out sometimes. The "if you still care" thing is prolly completely innocent but it can be misheard or someone could take the more popular version espoused by Tony Soprano's mother ;) aha
the thing with if you still care is a fair point, i changed it
Did you watch it?! Im actually not even 1000% she said it but the tenor of interactions between her and T Soprano is exactly the "if you even care about me [at all].
But yeah, no worries. Glad I might have saved you from a future jam aha
IMO, you got through the hard part. Trying out different medications takes months, but you aren't completely suffering during that time.
I felt the warmth of my cat cuddling next to me when I woke up this morning.
I saw the light of the moon shining into my bedroom.
I heard the buzz of traffic humming through my window.
I understood that I had to set my fantasy football lineup because I forgot to last night.
Darryl?
The last time I shared in my support group. I can go to a meeting right now on zoom and be heard, seen and understood. I never knew the importance of support until I found my support group. (I’m in a 12 step).
I'm glad it's working out for you.
If you ever find yourself getting into problem area with it, please look into Sinclair method (naltrexone). Its an important and less well-known approach.
Edit: more alcohol directed but im sure it has other applications
I wish I could take a pill for my issues. I’m doing inner child work with a 12 step.
Thats all swell but keep that in mind.
When my mom was still alive.
13 years ago.
Jesus, in my teens maybe? So like two to three decades ago.
2016/2017 by a close friend, that was probably the last time I've had any kind of truly deep conversation with anyone.
Something happened that caused feelings of betrayal and I've kind of not really allowed myself to be that vulnerable since then
Do you try ever-so-rarely to just like send them a quick ping with something you know of interest to them or inside-jokey?
Like just let them know you understand if they don't wish to respond and that you 100% respect the distance, but you might just rarely send them a little thing here or there that we maybe used to have fun texting each other with and that they can jump in any time they like or at the very least, if at that point they feel this way, to let you know once that they don't want anymore.
If there's radio silence you're still in the clear and onwards/upwards
There are many shades of gray, but never absolutes from either side. Human communication mechanisms suck.
The imperfectness of two people communicating create new thought and new possibilities though, because compromise is necessitated and new things are learned or looked at in novel ways due to this process.
Imagine talking with a clone of yourself, who gets every joke, every reference, and can finish your sentences. At first you'll think "cool!", but after realising that you have nothing new to say to each other, you will learn not to even try, since why bother finishing a sentence if the other person knows exactly what you are going to say?
I used to be in such a relationship. On the surface, it seemed ideal: she got my jokes, same culture, same group of friends, fantastic synergy. It was also the most stressful relationship I ever had. Imagine being locked in a mirrored room with yourself. I now date someone with a completely different culture and language. Communication is a constant problem, but we work towards it and learn new things along the way constantly. It's not perfect. But perfect is a special level of hell, reserved for narcissists.
What? Why would ask that? That question makes no sense! ;-)
Everytime I'm with my friends and that stays true even when my mind tries to tell me otherwise.
Week before last, at the men’s group meeting
What do you guys discuss? Like generally speaking?
It’s been a while if ever.
Nice try, newly-minted person that was heard and listened to 👂📯;)
Lol thank you I appreciate that. I’m a guy though so it’s hard to come by.
People will listen here. Also, just talk more. People will recognize you anywhere if you go a lil off script ;)
Oh trust me I’m the loudest person I know but nobody worries about the life of the party.
Kinda why i love it but YMMV
This has become an everyday thing for me in real life, if not also online although I def slip up here and there. I think the most important part of mutual understanding is having a dynamic where you can be honest (while still being respectful) and have ways to tell each other that which is uncomfortable but necessary to prevent more resentment and misunderstanding and to have both peoples' boundaries be quickly established and vigorously respected.
If it ever did happen, I definitely don't remember lol
Its rare for me to even relate to people.
