• Ireland and Italy offer citizenship by descent, but it is a long process
• The Netherlands and the US have a treaty called DAFT that allows you to start a business in NL
• France offers a self employment visa
• Check skill shortage lists for countries of interest - almost all European countries need skilled trades, truck drivers, etc. that wouldn’t require a degree
• Study abroad; it’s possible you could apply and receive funding for a degree since many countries have free education + work study arrangements for your living expenses
• Teach English abroad
• Look at international NGOs, you could possibly get hired as an admin/etc. without a degree but that might be a stretch

We have similar taste and you need to listen to Kalush (and Kalush Orchestra) - Ukrainian hip hop! The “Orchestra” group has more folk influences but all of it is just banger after banger. I don’t understand a word of Ukrainian but I love these guys.

My pleasure. Let me know if there are other resources I can recommend!

We ALL need to hear it! You’re so welcome. I try to keep reminders near me when hustle culture rears its head, and it always helps :)

I always find that starting any new job is exhausting! There is so much to learn - not even the “work” itself, but processes, personalities, and systems that differ from workplace to workplace. Unless you are struggling hard financially, give yourself some time. For me, it takes at least 4-6 months in a new job to feel ready to add something else. (Now that I own my own business, it’s just adding the next thing in the business…then 4-6 months later, the next thing…). You will have to feel out your own balance and where you can draw the line. I don’t think it’s a bad idea to make more money, if that’s a goal. But you can’t do it at the expense of your sanity, relationships, health, etc. Make it sustainable.

I’m in the US for context, but have lived all over the world, and don’t participate in the hustle culture here. I work hard for my clients and there are crunch times, but on average it’s about 30-35 hours a week. That’s a sweet spot for me! I hope you find yours.

Willpower IS a thing and there is some really interesting research about how it is an exhaustible psychological “resource” we have! In other words, we can exercise our willpower up to a point, but it’s not infinite. Highly recommend reading “Switch” by Chip and Dan Health which goes into willpower as a concept if you are interested in this.

I don’t know about the notes, but I wanted to say that it takes time and effort to unlearn this idea that we are supposed to be productive all the time. This is a lie that many powerful people want us to internalize so we work ourselves to death, and it’s very insidious and omnipresent. It’s become a perverse “value” in our society at large and something to be proud of.

But you are not a machine. You’re a person. And that means you need and deserve rest and comfort.

You have inherent worth outside of your productivity, how hard you work, or how much money you make.

Those metrics don’t tell us anything about how you are as a person, your values, your kindness, your strengths, the joy you bring others.

ALL of that stuff has value. Real true value. You have to start challenging these beliefs about your worthiness. Because you are already worthy.

Some further reading/resources:

1. The Body Is Not An Apology
2. Rest is Resistance
3. Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle

No, I’m not referencing my original comment. I meant I drafted a detailed response to the water/arable land/invasives complaint about the entire cut flower industry, and all the orgs/lobbying efforts re: farmland and ag policy we are working on to change it, but deleted it.

I wrote out a long comment, but there are loads of people trying to change this industry for the better. 78% of all flowers in the US are imported and it’s a huge problem. I hope you’re able to always buy locally grown flowers from small farms like we do. (Many of whom also grow vegetables.) In our area, housing developers buying up arable farmland are the biggest challenge to small scale farms.

It’s fine to not read a whole comment, but there is still plenty of demand from people with money. Can you tell me more about why you believe the wedding industry is predatory?

Your resident lemmy wedding florist checking in!

Cheers to all of you who are excited about the deaths of small businesses just because you…don’t like the way other people get married, lol? Do you think artists should be paid, or not?

I, too, got married when I was a broke grad student and couldn’t afford the wedding I wanted. We didn’t go in debt for it! In big cities, there are a lot more wealthy people than y’all realize who are happy to pay people like me to make art. Business is down but still fine for us.

Anyway, what most people don’t realize is that certain wedding vendors have super low overhead costs, so they are mostly paying for labor. Your DJs, wedding planners, and photographers can afford to charge $3k/wedding and still pay themselves. Meanwhile, florists are spending $1-4k at wholesale for a typical wedding, before we even touch your flowers or get any pay for our time. I think we probably have the highest COGs outside of venues. Catering, cakes, and to some extent rental companies are all in the same boat - we have to pay a lot to provide you with the physical goods we show up with, and we don’t make much.

I know everyone on Reddit and probably Lemmy thinks every wedding vendor is fleecing couples at all times. Or that the price goes up because “wedding.” It doesn’t. The price is what it is because it takes a LOT of labor and materials to create an entire event from scratch. And because it’s seasonal/weird hour/weekend work, we have to pay our freelance teams really well to keep them coming back. (You think I can afford a salaried team year round?? Lol no.) I can’t think of a single colleague who inflates pricing between weddings vs. other kinds of events.

I only do $10k+ weddings, and you probably think I’m raking it in. But 75-80% of the cost of every wedding I do goes to someone else - paying my team $35/hr, paying local flower farmers fair wages for their products, buying vases or supplies, my web hosting and professional fees, insurance, etc. I still only take home A QUARTER of what my spouse does in a good year. We live in an expensive city, and I could make a lot more money doing something else, but I love what I do.

I hope this helps y’all understand at least the wedding floral business a bit better. We aren’t getting rich off weddings, there is no wedding tax, and wholesale flowers are expensive AF before we do anything with them. I can’t speak for all vendors, maybe there are unscrupulous ones out there, but most are just small businesses trying to do something we love for a living. And I don’t really understand the online hate when people are in my inbox every day asking me about their wedding date.

People seemed to appreciate the conversation in this thread about balancing privacy with the realities of wedding business marketing: https://lemmy.ml/post/7435311

Haha, “Happy HONK” does mean something to some of us! Totally plausible that she’s already in a HONK band…

https://honkfest.org/ https://honkfestwest.org/

Sometimes keeping a symptom journal or diary can help your medical providers piece things together. They are only seeing you once for 10-30 minutes, but you’re living in your body and experiencing symptoms way more frequently. Don’t log obsessively, but maybe once a day review your pain (rated 1-5) and write down any noteworthy symptoms or episodes. And as someone else mentioned, get good at condensing your medical “story” to date, including your current symptoms.

Doctors will always go for the simplest explanation, even if it’s wrong. This is how they are trained (in the west, anyway). So don’t give up! Continue insisting on a proper diagnosis. Get another opinion. See a different specialist. If you find it difficult to advocate for yourself, imagine if this was your friend. How many mountains would move to get the same answers for a dear friend? And apply that logic and compassion to yourself. Have a bestie come with you to appointments if they are willing to.

A big part of the “suck” in this process is the not knowing. Will you be in pain forever? Will you get better? Will you get worse? Is it really a mystery illness? Will you ever get a diagnosis? With chronic pain you’ll find yourself exhausted often with the effort required to ignore the pain. So feel the pain sometimes. Lean into it. You may find it’s a relief to feel it instead of trying to block it out.

It’s maybe also worth accepting that these issues may never totally resolve. If they do, great. But what if they don’t? How can you live a happy and fulfilling life (which millions of people do with chronic pain/disability) even if it stays the same?

Lastly, I want to say that you have a separate problem, which is the lack of social support you are getting from your family. They are gaslighting you about your illness - of course you know your body best and are experiencing what you say you are. You are young and may depend on them financially, so that’s a needle you have to thread. But I’d encourage you to spend more time with friends who love and believe you.

If you have access, it’s worth working with a therapist on all of this. From what you’ve described, you have been left all alone to grapple with a disability that no one can even explain. That is an awful lot for someone to hold by themselves. Whatever happens with your illness, I hope you are able to get the love and support you deserve - which may never be offered by your family.

I totally agree. I remember when being in the phone book was enough for people to run a B2C business! The current marketing landscape for small biz owners is a nightmare, both in terms of privacy and the number of places online we are expected to “be active.” A lot of people get really burnt out on it because they also don’t realize that marketing and sales is like 80% of the work, and the fun thing you love to do is like 20%.

Come hang! Sorry, I also thought you were OP when I responded, so ignore references to wedding biz things that don’t apply to you!

Aw thanks! I mostly lurked on the other site but I’d love to make this a good place for good people :) and when you can’t sleep after taking the dog out, and someone asks about the exact tightrope you’ve been walking for years, what else do you do but write a long, sleep deprived answer? Lol

Absolutely! My pleasure and I’d welcome it!

Me too! Unfortunately, most people have traded convenience for privacy at this point. Which means both your potential clients and fellow wedding pros will be in all the places you don’t want to engage with.

But I will say, the nice thing about owning your own business is that you make the rules! You don’t have to do things that don’t align with your values. You can still market your business ethically, you just might need a longer timeline for profitability.

Hi! I’m a wedding florist and educator in the US. I also have PiHole running at home (thanks to my partner) and feel the same way about social media - absolutely hate it, no personal accounts, and it’s only for the business.

Edited to add: I draw a hard line in my business with paying Meta or Google to advertise. I have never paid Zuck a dime. I also refuse to use TikTok because it’s a privacy nightmare.

Here’s how I handle different marketing channels:

SEO - my bread and butter - allows me to blog useful things and not feel slimy. Try to blog about things “upstream” from your services that couples would hire first - venues, planners, caterers maybe.

Instagram - I’m a florist, it’s a must. I used to use a separate device but after forgetting it at a wedding for behind-the-scenes shots, and the having to transfer everything over, I just gave up. I have Instagram on my main phone and it annoys me. I have mic/photo permissions turned off unless I post a story/reel. I use Tailwind for IG and Pinterest static posts.

Facebook - I don’t use the app, just desktop. have a FB page but I rarely log in. Tailwind allows me to post my IG post to FB without logging in.

Pinterest - I don’t use the app, just desktop. And I use Tailwind to schedule. To be honest I do not get any leads from Pinterest, so I stopped caring about it.

Networking - This is another key source of leads for me. We have several local wedding vendor groups here, and I belong to all of them. And I go to meetings regularly. I highly encourage you to go out and meet the people who will eventually refer you! (But never ask for a referral/preferred vendor until you’ve worked together at least once.)

The Knot/WW - Worth having a free listing. Only worth having a paid listing if your service is low cost and you’re interested in volume. Are there French sites like those you could be listed on, some kind of directory?

Wedding shows - I’ve never done a wedding show but some people have lots of success. Whatever you do, make sure you make them book a consultation with you right there at the booth. Otherwise you will lose them. It’s not enough to gather emails (although, do that too) because they will be getting a billion emails after the show from vendors. Be the first in their inbox. Have an incentive for scheduling their consult that’s not a discount (e.g. bigger photo book if they end up booking with you or something).

Hope that helps! Never keep doing a marketing method that isn’t bringing you the right people. It’s a waste of your time and you can’t do all these things, you’ll go mad! Please DM me if you have questions or wanna chat more, I’m happy to help. Je parle français aussi, mais seulement après café :)