Semi-Hemi-Demigod

This is your reminder that national polling doesn’t matter, and that you can win the presidency with roughly 20,000 votes

Like what happened to that dude from Metallica’s “One”

John Oliver showed me they’ll probably just call in a vet.

Maybe get some farmer with castration bands.

He didn’t lose shit. Square footage is what matters, not people.

The top post in music is Alice Cooper’s “Guilty”

President Biden’s campaign spokesman said Trump’s conviction shows “no one is above the law.” “There is still only one way to keep Donald Trump out of the Oval Office: at the ballot box,”

That’s fucking terrifying

Well that didn’t take long.

A big one is that pregnancy and child birth SUUUUUCK. Women finally have the ability to avoid it entirely, and I don’t blame them.

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You dodged three bullets, bro. If a woman gets turned off by asking then she’s either not into you or she wants you to chase her, and both should be deal-breakers.

I’d think it would be common sense not to be driving when you have a court appearance. I’d put on at least a collared shirt and a tie and take the call from a quiet place where there’s nothing else going on.

🇺🇸 *And I’m proud to be an American, where at least I know I’m free" 🦅

If a woman has a problem with me asking if I can touch her then I probably don’t want to.

You’re getting almost as jaded as I am. Welcome to the club! We have punch but it’s bitter like our hearts

1. Pay people a penny per pound for collecting plastic waste
2. Pass this fee along to plastic producers

Southern country-themed restaurant chain Cracker Barrel, with over 660 locations nationwide, has seen a significant decline in customers, losing more than 16 per cent in just four years

I wonder how much COVID contributed to that.

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I can tell you’re not from the US because I didn’t encounter derivatives until 12th grade

“Are your balls filled with plastic? You may be entitled to financial compensation”

Nah, you’re not worth it.