DarraignTheSane

But I want to be outraged! /s

Sure, added that note in an edit. There’s no answer here that doesn’t result in your early death.

I don’t think OP knows what they mean with this question. The top two ‘serious’ answers are coffee and tea, which is just “hot water with shit mixed in”. Anything you drink is water with shit mixed in. Any answer that isn’t “water with shit mixed in” means you die, either within months or minutes. Most answers that are “water with shit mixed in” would still kill you fairly quickly if that’s all you ever drank.