This sounds like a wkuk episode

Yeah, it’s easier if you lick your hand first. You’ll get used to the taste after a while

Damn, she showed up with that 12x18!

I heard that “who let the dogs out” by the Baha Men is about ugly girls coming to the club.

I was explaining this to a coworker, and one of my female coworkers were around. After I said it, I looked at her and said “oh my gosh I’m so sorry” because I thought it was inappropriate to say at work.

She took it as I was calling her ugly! (she was though)

I was helping my mom shop for a new car, and we discovered she needed the requirement of “physical AC controls”.

Everything is all on the touch screen.

No, they aren’t.

All of my coworkers are super trump supporters, they even bought the flag from the assassination attempt. Yesterday, one of them told me to go “fuck my couch” and I said “there’s enough couch fuckers around” which confused him.

I awkwardly explained the JD Vance couch thing (I know it was just a troll, it didn’t actually happen) and he BLEW UP. He was explaining that he looks up to and respects JD and I shouldn’t believe what I’m seeing on the internet.

When I’m dealing with ISP or phone customer service, I always ask for the cancelation department. They are motivated to keep customers so sometimes they’ll throw in a coupon, especially if you treat them like a human.

When my oldest was about 1, I buckled him in, but didn’t realize the carseat wasn’t buckled in.

About a mile down the road, I turned and we went tumbling across the car in his car seat. It was completely upside down by the end.

The only thing that kept me calm was that he was cackling with laughter. He thought it was the funniest thing. Never made thay mistake again!

I was told “he’s from Pennsylvania, he’s registered as a republican, but he’s a democrat. You see, the democrats have been voting as republican so they can vote on the republican ticket for Trumps enemies”

I just can’t. I’m not looking forward to work this week.

I have had a “biohazard” call at a local college.

The platen glass is a lot thinner than it looks!

Also, depending on the model of the copier, it will not let you copy money, and if you attempt it too many times, it will literally brick the machine.

Something cool to do is to take your phone and turn on the selfie camera. Lay that on the platen and make a copy to see a trippy pattern.

If you want to screw with someone, lay a single paperclip on the platen and make a bunch of copies of it. Take your copies and shuffle them into the paper tray face up (assuming you’re using an office laser copier) so every once in a while, someone will get a paper clip on their print.

Sometimes your printer won’t print in black and white if a color is out because it uses all of the colors to create a deeper black. Depends on the model though.

And some of them use yellow as a lubricant because yellow toner has a consistency close to water.

Also, please do not copy money or your butt. Trust me.

I grew up as the “IT guy” in small town America.

This guy, and the people here (not you) sound like a lot of people I know. I’d look for a different job and grow your passion somewhere else. It isn’t worth it. You won’t change them, and they’re just going to make you feel like you’re wrong, even though you’re right. It’s like the movie Idiocracy.

I know you’re a stranger, but I get the keys to the apartment in about an hour!!!

I want to tell everyone, but I have nobody to tell. I’m FINALLY going to have a home to go home to.

Secondhand lions, the pursuit of happiness, and the good neighbor (2016)

I’m doing it!

The crysis center already has an apartment for me. They’re going to pay first months rent and deposit, I can even have my cats with me!

Since I left my wife, I’ve been saving sooooo much money. I know how to cook on a budget, the kids aren’t picky, and I’m not wasting my money on door dash!

It’s gonna be a tough journey, but I can do this!

No, in Idiocracy, the president ended up listening to the smart guy.

I think I’m on my way to happiness.

I finally left my abusive wife this week. It was really scary, and she keeps sending me threats (to take me for child support and ruin my life) but I was able to get ahold if a crisis center for abused people, thankfully they have support for men. The crisis center is going to help me tackle all the debt she’s put me in and get me into an apartment that will have room for me and my kids!

Yesterday for the first time in 14 years, I was completely free. I just drove around town. I went and got an ice cream cone, and I got a Mexican Pizza from taco bell, and nobody insulted me, put me down, or made me feel worthless. I got a glimpse of me and I really miss that guy. I used to have the nick name smiley because I always walked around with a shit eating grin on my face because I love life and I love my job, but she’s worn away at me lately.

I might be homeless technically, but I have a safe space until I can get on my feet. I get my kids tonight, we’re going to have a pizza party and play Mario Kart together. I think everything is going to be fine soon…

What if you just went on foot with 5 gallon containers, didn’t do it frequently, and never went to the same gas station a second time?

He had a couple hot wheels out on the counter and I asked about them, so he was excited to share his hobby with me.