On the journey to becoming a productive member of society I had to compartmentalize my inner child.
During my early schoolboy years, he waited patiently for the school day to finish so that he could finally resume his creative and playful pursuits.
As the education became more involved, he had to wait a little longer because of homework.
In university, the complicated assignments, group projects, and late night study sessions meant that he would often not get to let loose until the weekend.
The full-time job, commute, technical projects, work politics, and other adult responsibilities really did the biggest number on him though. Sometimes he would go without playing for weeks, or months at a time.
Today it's as if my adult mask has adhered permanently to my face and I can no longer access him at all.
My inner child is dead and I killed them in about second year of university because of fear of other people and lack of money for anything beyond food and tuition -> no fun times except for the computer -> depression, unmedicated for 3 years.
And now that I have money, I'm a mess after years of neglect, and I forgot how to have fun, and I still suffer from depression.
Dude(ess? sorry, idk your pronouns), I feel you and I didn't even get to the phase where I have money yet.