This is a perfect example of corporate apologia combined with not really understanding the sentiment to which you are replying. Hell, I even started my rant by saying "I guess it’s a difference between what I like in a laptop versus what other people like in them." Also there is something really pathetic about being defensive of a corporate product about which another person has elements that they find annoying or unintuitive. Nothing you have said counters any factual observation about the behavior of the system and can be effectively dismissed on the basis that the foundational premise of every statement is "well no system is perfect." Yeah, there are flaws with everything. I happen to dislike the specific flaws with Mac more than I dislike the specific flaws of most Linux distros or Windows. Windows largely gets a pass on the basis that I'm not forced to use it for work or any kind of power user shit. I'm expected to do that with a Mac, which amplifies the amount of negative feelings I have towards it. Familiarity breeds contempt. This is not a new facet of reality only I've discovered, hopefully. If I had to work on a Windows machine fulltime I'd probably hate it about as much as I do the Mac. But then again, it would be kind of weird to come into a thread specifically about Macs and start ranting about Windows sucking. Which is what you're doing in a lot of this reply. So…yeah, maybe go outside and touch some grass because somebody doesn't like your favorite OS and elected to comment in a thread where that was the topic of discussion.

That said, a few specific points:

Lots of people in this thread seem to really, really like being able to window snap, which I kind of get but also generally disagree with

You can't disagree with people liking something. You can dislike something yourself, but someone else enjoying a particular feature is super weird and comes across as bizarrely authoritative.

All laptop keyboards are bad

There's not even an argument to make here. You're just wrong. Comparative to the Macs, there are other manufacturers that produce far better quality keyboards than those found on pretty much any Macbook.

How is this supposed to be a negative?

It's because the battery quality is an extension of having a very specific operating system running on a very specific processor. It's an incredibly tight coupling of software and hardware. Yes, it's highly optimized, but the optimization comes at the cost of having to use their shitty operating system. Linux will run on almost anything. You don't get the level of efficiency, maybe, but you do have control. I value control over the things I own and use over virtually everything else.

Aside from darwin, the kernel macOS runs on, Webkit, the browser engine that Chrome forked from, or passkeys, the thing that might replace passwords, you’re still really wrong.

Well, first of all, darwin is based on FreeBSD, which was already open source, so, not like they blazed new trails there. That said, let's ignore Apple's walled garden ecosystem and their longstanding opposition to right to repair, which they only caved on recently because of pending legislation. Or the fact that Apple hardware is effectively non-modifiable after purchase by design. You mentioned something about graphics cards. You know what's neat about graphics cards? The ones that aren't integrated can be replaced or changed. Good luck changing something yourself in a fucking Mac. There's also a lot of open source projects that have been restricted from the App store because open source licenses are generally incompatible with App Store TOS. And, while Darwin might be open source, a ton of components for iOS and their iPadOS are not. And before you say, "well, what about Microsoft, huuuuuuuh?" Yeah, they suck too. Multiple, different things can be bad for the same reason.

How about screens? Trackpad? Physical material, etc?

Screens are overly glossy for my taste. Trackpad quality is average, although the physical buttons for the trackpad have this weird "thocky" response that makes them feel as cheap and shitty as their awful keyboard. Physical material is also average. These are things I left out because I personally don't care about them very much.

“I can get vastly less done, and it’s going to be more uncomfortable the entire time.”

I guess you ignored the part where I said good things that I like about that specific device which allows me to be more productive on it than on my Mac. Or is your entire post purely an exercise in misrepresentation and intellectual dishonesty? Which would be appropriate for something written in praise of Apple products.